Love like trade has own risks, tricks

A heartbroken girl due to too much love and trust she had given to her boyfriend. (FILE PHOTO)

KAMPALA- Although society knows that it is good to be in love, it is very important to find out whether someone is truly in love with you or not.

Love is one of the most profound emotions we experience as humans, it is bigger than us, meaning, though we can invite it into our lives, we do not have the control over the how, when and where love starts to express itself. Maybe this is because we do not understand what Love means.

And since love is inherently free, we spend nights tossing and turning in an attempt to understand what it is, and how to know if we have it and to know whether we are loved or not.

The tricky thing about love is that we can feel it in a variety of different states–when we’re happy, sad, angry, confused or excited–and our attitudes about love can range from affectionate love to infatuation and pleasure.

In most cases, love is used as an action, as a force to keep our relationships with partners, or friends and family, together but the only way you can discover that you are loved is to learn the tricks “secrets” of this game called love.

Doctors, Lawyers, teachers, engineers and other professional men study and train for years before they practice. Likewise, tradesmen of all sorts, lovebirds must also slowly learn their trade.

The ladies out there seem to think that all males, just because they are males naturally slip into the groove of the project partner. Remember that some never hit the groove and yet others after brief success jumps out of the groove and wobble all over.

The question is why does this happen? Why do things go this way in relationships? Why does a seemingly perfect person eventually develop cold feet?

Like trade, love has its own tricks that must be understood by ladies and gentlemen out there in order to profit from it.

Ms Caroline Chealy says in her book, Before thee and I wed, Love is the desire to be together whatever life may bring and adds it includes the desire to cherish and care for each other, few people question why things don’t go on this way.

To understand Love, you must understand the person you are reportedly in Love with. Ladies and Gentlemen out there must know that man’s mouth can speak what the heart is not speaking; the mouth says bye when will you come back again while the heart saying good riddance never come back here.

And because love is an affair where two people seem to be on stage, men look to be the best actors in this field. When he says “I love you” find out whether it is his mouth speaking or the heart before you give in.

Ms Anna Mary Nakabugo, [Bweyogerere], a marriage counsellor says the discovery that your spouse loves you is one of the greatest things in a relationship.

“But it is rather unfortunate that many a people go through the relationship without discovering whether they are loved or not, whether their partners use the mouth for speaking or the heart or both,” says Ms Nakabugo.

I once heard a close girl friend tell me that her boy friend was the most wonderful man in the world and that she adored him. What boyfriend is there who would be indifferent to such praise from one he loves? What boy friend worthy of the name would not literary stand on his head to merit such esteem?

Every time a person goes to school or reads a new book to learn something it is an act of humility and it is a healthy admission that he/she does not know everything.

What this suggests is that in a relationship, have the time to re-study your partners ways, find out their reality, note the changes and ask why the alterations.

Men can even make suicide pacts with their partners when they are dating-“if all the parents refuse to sanction our marriage, I will commit suicide.” They usually say until death do us part before even the right time.

It is worse when men set their eyes and trap on women who are desperately searching for a man-please be careful as you spend, he could be saving his and taking it to another woman.

Many of the stories I have heard about broken relationships and marriages teach me one thing; that young girls should never talk about marriage with their boyfriends until they have studied them well, to know their true being.

The biggest separation of mankind is into the selfish and unselfish; and in a happy relationship, life is not for the selfish. If a young man/lady gets into a relationship with his/her eye cast on material advantages of life, she should expect trouble somewhere along the line.

One of the tricks men use is to deceive, don’t say men are liars but they circumstantially do this to keep the kindle of the relationship. Look here you have asked for Shs100,000 and the poor man does not have it and yet he wants the relationship. What do you expect him to do? Speak the truth and lose the relationship or deceive to keep the relationship?

It is bad to tell lies but sometimes they become a necessary evil. My grandma used to tell me of a village chief called Wanaku who had four beautiful girls he had an affair with but that he never suggested to any about going to bed because he was non-virile.

One of the girls forced herself in Wanaku’s house at night and refused to go away. The story has it that Wanaku after dinner went to bed with the girl but that because he knew his problem; he excused himself that rats were disturbing and kept himself busy whole night chasing the rats that were not in the house against pleas from the girl until morning.

The girl walked away the following morning and never went back to him. Would Wanaku have told this girl the truth?

Men also make empty promises that they never fulfill this is because they anticipate that X will make the same promise or even buy thereby putting the relationship at stake.

Men are also never satisfied they want to keep sampling every beautiful girl around, those who don’t do it are either financially hard up or “ so Christian” by the way it is only God who can measure whether you are so Christian or not.

But after all the drama when the reality comes crashing down hard and devastatingly, what do you do? And to realise that men tell lies and are actors in a relationship, sometimes escapes the ladies’ imagination.

Although little signs of affection, a kiss or a hug seem to be the best and most natural environment for the steady growth of love between a lady and a gentleman, they should be scrutinized as they can be acted by men.

There would be fewer divorces and frustrated ladies who think all men are bad if they [Ladies] had enough sense to stop and ponder the real man, the true man. But of course, this is spiritual and requires God as much as possible to make such revelation.

As there are tricks to every trade, there are also tricks to every relationship. To be safe study these tricks well, find out what your partner is before things sour.

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